I show up for my friends.
You need help moving? I’ll bring the muscle AND the coffee. Need help planning your wedding? I’ll send you my list of recommended vendors, apps and even my planning spreadsheet. At a crossroads in your career? Here’s some free coaching!
I bet you’re much the same. It’s just in your good nature to help how and where you can. I’m sure you also love to support your family and friends in their various endeavours and encourage them to pursue their dreams.
But what do you do when that support isn’t reciprocated? What do you do when it seems no one is on your side?
As I continue along my entrepreneurial journey, I’ve been experiencing more hurt and loneliness than I anticipated. I thought that ALL of my friends and family would be excited that I was finally pursuing my dreams, just as I would be excited for them. But it has been radio silence from many. This has really bothered me, and I still think about it frequently. But I’m working, slowly, on learning how to cope when it seems that no one is on my side. Here are the truths that help me with keeping my expectations of others in check.
1. We are not all the same
I seem to forget the shocking truth that my friends are *gasp* not the same as me! And that’s why I like them! They offer different opinions, perspectives and values and that shit is interesting. Different strokes, different folks. As such, priorities are different. I can’t assess the value of their priorities even if they choose a priority that results in disappointment for me. That’s their stuff.
2. We, as humans, are self-serving
I’m not trying to be glib here, but here’s the rub: as humans, we look out for Number 1. It’s just the way it is. The choices we make are made with the best intentions for ourselves. And as a self-serving human, I’m disappointed when my needs haven’t been met by a friend who is also a self-serving human. As I type this, I wonder why I let myself get disappointed, ever, but this is all easier said, than done.
3. We all have our own shit
I don’t know what everyone has going on in their own lives even if I think I do. I don’t know the in’s and out’s of all of my friends’ personal struggles. So it’s a tall order of mine to expect that they will become my own personal cheer squad.
4. We don’t always “get” it
When my friends or family take the time to ask me “what’s this coaching business all about”, when I explain it, it is often met with blank stares. No matter how much I try to explain what I do, sometimes others won’t understand it. So it is difficult for me to expect support for something that others might not understand.
Yeah, it hurts when some of my loved ones aren’t getting as amped up for my business as I am, but they aren’t living it day in and day out. It’s not their dream, it’s mine. So I keep forging ahead.
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